How did it happen? I don’t know I thought I was supposed to have it all figured out before it arrived I’m still trying to feel confident enough to wear that mini-skirt My skin is still breaking It couldn’t possibly have arrived that fast Just the other day I had the courage to say what I was thinking I still feel sad when people use me Or choose not to have me in their lives I have just started from scratch again, and I think this time it will be all right, but I need more time But I knew it was coming My heart is all glued together But my words are wiser, probably because I choose silence over words most times That's wisdom Tolerance started to disappear Tears come way more often, but that’s ok I had a good chunk of laughs before It should have waited I’m not ready But it’s here And it’s scary But my hopes make me strong So it’s ok It will all be ok
I pay attention to such little things my friends and family can't even understand. I even wish I could be more detailed, but things slip trough my fingers more than I wish they did.
One thing that I love is sending is Thank-You cards. I make sure I send a little note with every order I get. Even if sometimes I'm not too inspired, there is always something little to be said.
I'm reading a book written by the a lady who was the Chief of Staff to Jackie Kennedy at The White House.
At some point at the book she mentions how Jackie epitomized the broadest definition of the word Taste. She said that for every gift, every lunch or dinner she attended, she either wrote notes by hand or had her Chief of Staff drafting a thank-you note for her signature.
Every single item was acknowledged.
Jackie wrote notes of encouragement to friends who were hospitalized, and letters of congratulations to friends when their babies were born. Her notes were charming, she says in the book.
"It takes someone of taste to realize how much words of support and encouragement mean to those on the receiving end". I think this is my favourite sentence in the whole book.
I know that nowadays most people don't send anything on the mail anymore (yay for us cards and stationery lovers!). We could make a parallel to those Thank-You Notes with the technology we use today, couldn't we? The emails we don't respond, the texts we forget, the likes we don't give, the comment we choose not to write. We have no idea how much that would mean for those on the receiving end, eh?
I hope we can make time for these things. If this is how we are interacting now, if this is a strong way that we can show our love and support. Let's do it! Don't forget: Silence also sends a message.
- Sometimes, making a living and making a life goes in opposite directions -. Pico Iyer
I worked in corporate almost my entire adult life. After the honeymoon stage that lasted maybe 5 years in total I knew that that was not what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. Besides, I’ve always wanted to be an artist, but honestly, I didn’t even know that that was a career.
I can’t even remember what I used to think but maybe I used to think that artists were people who tried to get a job in corporate and because they couldn’t, they were expressing their frustrations through their art or they had to develop a talent to make a living. I know... crazy me... And I’ve always knew that it wasn’t easy. I've always knew that most artists have a very challenging financial situation. So... couldn't go for that. Had to pay my bills since I was young and help at home. So corporate I went.
But life just happens, and my life funny enough followed my teenager thoughts, and after moving to Edmonton, I couldn’t find a job in corporate so I started my own creative business. Something I had never done before, something I’m still learning, something that until then, was only in my dreams. But there I was. It started slowly, and after a year and a bit it started to pick up. However, my husband and I wanted to move back to Toronto for many reasons, and then very sudden I got a job here. In corporate. In a field I didn’t have any experience in because it honestly didn’t interest me.
So we got everything packed. Sold as much as we could. Got the cats and moved to Toronto.
Day 1 of my job I got home crying. It was like watching again a movie I hated watching before. I didn’t want to go back the next day. But then I didn’t know if I was just emotionally unstable for all the move and the changes, or if it was just an adjusting phase like every new job has. So I decided to go back the next day and start and try to be positive about it. But, there was not one easy day. Since day 1. There were calmer days, but then there were days that I caught myself crying in the washroom and hiding in meeting rooms. Then I started feeling physically ill. Headaches, sweating, heart palpitations. I never, ever, in my whole like went through those feelings at a workplace. Of course it was not only the corporate environment. There were other things that were not motivating me from the location to the people, and everything was adding up, adding up, and adding up, until I couldn’t do it anymore. Until the day I got in the car and I couldn’t drive there. I froze. The thought of it gave me nausea and dizziness. So I got one week leave from my doctor, and then two weeks leave. And by the end of the leave I knew that everything that made me sick in the first place was always going to be there if I went back the next day, or in a month, or in six, and again, just the thought of it made me sick. So I quit.
I couldn’t even do the ‘right thing’. Go there, talk to my boss, apologize, take the blame so you don’t burn any bridges, give a two week notice. I couldn’t. The sick feeling was stronger then the thought and the feeling to make things ‘right’ on the eyes of the corporate world. I sent an email. I offered no notice.
Every single person who I told I was going to do this said the same thing in different words: "it takes a lot of courage to quit".
I don’t feel it that way. All I feel is a relief. I think it may be like a mama lion fighting for a baby lion. I guess... that if she could put it into words she wouldn’t say she was brave. She would probably say she just did what she needed to do. I needed to do it. I was feeling I was drowning. I wasn’t brave. I needed to do that to be able to get out of the survival mode and live again.
So I chose to make a life instead of making a living.
What’s next? I don’t know. Uppercase Press has been my business for a few years now. Some months are better than others, but honestly, never really enough to rely on it entirely. So this week I started living in faith. Remember: faith is believing in something that you can’t see. I have faith I’ll have enough work, and I have faith things will be ok.
One thing I can guarantee: I am starting to feel like myself again. I am sleeping again, I am hungry again, I want to get better dressed to go places, I want to talk to people. I want to laugh, to explore Toronto, and make connections.
I didn’t plan for this job to last so little. But at least I feel alive again, so something good may come out if it, right?
I've always felt the need to empower the culture of hand-made, artisan products. Those that take time to be created and finalized, not for their complexity, but for the care that they demand from the artist. The demand a relationship that is beyond tasks.
I'm very proud to present a collaboration we worked on with Baat Cheet, a unique film company from Edmonton.
The video is called - Things to Hold Onto - and it celebrates the story and the craftsmanship behind the life and work of my dear and talented friend Sylvia Soo, from Sylvia Soo Leather.
What a year! It's no news that 2016 was a crazy year. It was crazy for me too. There were great things for sure, but oh I felt they kind of happened out of my control.
So many things happening, so much to do, so little time. Or so bad priorities? I don't know... but I feel the year happened without my consent.
So now I am officially saying good bye to it. I hope I can do less, but bigger things in 2017. I hope I can get deeper in my few, good, true relationships, I hope I can print more thoughtful and meaningful words, and I hope we can all enjoy good health.
It's December 30th. Here it comes... that weird feeling that the year is over and I haven't done much. But wait. Have I felt that all year around? Oh yes... I have! Oh it's all good then. Plus, at this point...